Tools for the Journey
Melinda Cunningham
“It is not the destination, it is the journey.” I have heard that idea expressed many times
but did not embrace it until recently when someone pointed out to me that I
have been on a journey of self-discovery.
It occurred to me that the process of trying to figure out this great
mystery called life is the sweetest of all gifts. What I am finding out is, much like Dorothy and
friends in the Wizard of Oz, the
journey unlocks gifts which are not to be found in some mystical palace or
gained through a magical wizard. The
gifts have been with me, inside me, all along.
What have gifts have you unlocked in your journey of self-discovery? Have you realized a great artistic talent? Have you found you are a healer of body or spirit? Have you touched another’s life in a positive manner, making ripples throughout the vast pool that is humanity? With introspection, meditation and reflection it is possible to recognize those gifts that have unfolded along your journey. Obviously, since each of us is unique, we will discover our own unique gifts. In the course of my journey of self-discovery, I have found that there are tools that we can use to make the trip more enjoyable and meaningful:
Empathy – Put yourself in someone else’s shoes and experience how they feel. I can’t tell you how many times I have stepped on someone’s toes and not known how badly I hurt someone until they pointed it out to me. I felt horrible and knew that I didn’t want to hurt them again. Now, I monitor my actions and comments to determine how I would feel if someone said or did the same to me. Needless to say, if I feel it would be hurtful, I reserve my comments or alter my action.
Open-minded – Be willing to accept suggestions or concepts which are not the way that you would do things. Just because it isn’t the way you would do it, doesn’t make it wrong. My husband has a method to doing laundry. He has two piles: whites and colors. That sounds reasonable at first. However, when I do laundry, I further separate colors into additional groups: jeans, t-shirts, towels, dress clothes, etc… At first I was really irritated that he didn’t further separate the laundry like me. But, with an open mind, I realized that the end result (clean laundry) was more important than the methods he used.
Take risks – If you stand still, you run the risk of getting run over. Take a chance now and again. Even if the risk doesn’t pay off for you in the short-run, learn from it. Take the knowledge gained and apply it to the next situation. Often, fear is the reason we don’t take risks. Fear is a non-productive emotion. Take a long hard look at any fears that may be keeping you from taking a risk. There are situations, such as risks to our physical body that justify not taking risks. For example, you should be afraid to jump off of a 10-story building because you will likely severely injure yourself. The risks that I suggest you take are those that don’t threaten your personal safety, although some people may find them just as nerve-wracking—asking for a promotion, introducing yourself to others at a party, taking a dance class, etc… The key here is to challenge yourself from time to time and try new experiences.
Trust – In my opinion, trust, is the ability to relinquish the illusion of control and know that whatever happens (good or bad) you will be okay. This does not mean that you should stay in an abusive situation. What I am saying is, that in most cases, a belief that everything will work out for the highest good keeps you on the path leading to your discoveries. As Dorothy and the others found, when they trusted themselves, they found those things that they had sought for so long.
Rest – Even lumberjacks have to sharpen their saws. Take time to recharge, relax and refresh. Creativity often springs from times when your body and intellect are idle. Balance is the key here. Too much rest can be as detrimental as too much work. A healthy mix of rest, work, and play will help you appreciate the view on your journey.
Work – Don’t hesitate to roll up your sleeves and get busy. Honest work for honest pay builds self-reliance and independence. Having your own income and skills are crucial to a positive self image.
Play – Get silly, have a snowball fight, toss a football, build a sand castle…reconnect with the carefree feelings of childhood play. Playing can include window-shopping with the girls or a pickup basketball game. The act is not important, but the resulting fountain of youth feeling is!
Celebrate – Find something to celebrate every day! If your son got an A in math, make his favorite dinner. If your co-worker got a promotion, give her a plant for her desk. If your spouse makes a big sale, treat him to a weekend getaway. Don’t wait for milestone events in order to celebrate. Use the good china and dress up on a whim. Everyday celebrations pave the way for a joyful journey.
Ask for help- Asking for help provides many opportunities for growth. First, some people find that asking for help is a sign of weakness. I like to think that asking for help gives someone else the opportunity to shine. If someone helps you, recognize their efforts with a public “thank you.” Your helper gets the experience of performing the task and the recognition for a job well done (or the chance to learn from their mistake). Key point here-if you mean to ask for help, ASK!! Don’t tell. Much more can be accomplished with a partner rather than a subordinate.
Be grateful!! Each day, look for three things for which you are grateful. They can be as basic as having a roof over your head, to as silly as double chocolate chip ice cream. Try to come up with three new ones every day. Write down your three things in a journal. From time to time, take a look back at what you have written. It can be very enlightening.
Communicate- Be open and honest, yet tactful in dealing with all people, including children. While kids might not need the level of detail as adults, don’t lie to them. Talk with them in terms that they can understand, and talk with them often. It takes time for kids to come up with questions. It may be days or weeks later that they finally articulate their concerns. Accept their questions and answer them as honestly as possible. Kids understand much more than we think. As for adults, even though they may not want to hear some of the things that we say, it is cleansing for us to say them. What that person does with the information is their responsibility. Don’t gossip or speak maliciously about or to others. Keep your communication honest and open. Don’t say anything that you wouldn’t want printed for the entire world to see. Tone is as important as content. Talking down to someone turns them off before they get the message. Keep your tone reasonable and personable.
Give back to your community-There are many people in this life who have more pressing issues to deal with than self-discovery. They are trying to secure life’s basic necessity, food, shelter and clothing for themselves and their loved ones. When you can, give back to your community by donating money, goods and services or your time. If you don’t have $50 to give, do you have an hour to help out at a food bank or clothing drive? If you can’t provide a case of diapers or free legal help, can you help tutor a child or an adult? Find a way to give. It’s easier than you think…and it gives you the chance to practice the other tools.
While you continue on your own journey, I hope these tools serve you well.
I wish you continued blessings of prosperity, health and adventure and discovery!
Melinda Cunningham can be reached at mcunningham@columbus.rr.com.